43 Quoted Funny Phrases That’ll Make Your Day

Who says wisdom can’t come with a side of humor? In the grand tapestry of life, it’s often the laughter that keeps us sane through the ups and downs. Whether you’re having a rough day or just need a little pick-me-up, a good chuckle can work wonders. And what better way to tickle your funny bone than with some hilariously quoted phrases? This article isn’t just about throwing jokes at you; it’s about sharing those funny, quoted gems that have the power to instantly lift your mood. So, let’s dive into this laughter-filled collection, perfect for those who appreciate a good laugh with a touch of insight. From the subtly witty to the outrageously hilarious, these quotes are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

I Want This!

Office Humor Quotes

1. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
2. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen
3. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde

I Want This!

Relationship and Dating Humor

1. “Before you ***** a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
2. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
3. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Food-Related Funny Quotes

1. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
2. “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” – Julia Child
3. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields

Social Media and Technology Humor

1. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea
2. “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
3. “You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope

Pet Humor Quotes

1. “The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.” – Thornton Wilder
2. “I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.” – Unknown
3. “Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.” – Unknown

Parenting Humor Quotes

1. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
2. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
3. “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse

Fitness and Exercise Jokes

1. “I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training.” – Unknown
2. “You know you’re old when you get up in the morning and the first thing you do is make noise.” – Unknown
3. “I don’t think I’ll ever get in shape. I can barely fit my tweets into 140 characters.” – Unknown

Travel and Vacation Humor

1. “I need a six month vacation, twice a year.” – Unknown
2. “Jet lag is for amateurs.” – **** Clark
3. “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” – Henny Youngman

Financial Humor Quotes

1. “I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” – Douglas Adams
2. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
3. “Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

Education and School Humor

1. “Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
2. “School is a building which has four walls with tomorrow inside.” – Lon Watters
3. “As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school.” – Cokie Roberts

Work-Life Balance Humor

1. “I am on a 20-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 10 days.” – Unknown
2. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” – Franklin P. Jones
3. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome

Wisdom in Foolishness Quotes

1. “The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.” – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
2. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
3. “I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m correct.” – Unknown

Creativity and Art Humor

1. “I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.” – Vincent Van Gogh
2. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
3. “Drawing is a kind of hypnotism: one looks in such a way at the model, that he comes and takes a seat on the paper.” – Pablo Picasso

Quirky Wisdom Quotes

1. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
2. “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
3. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright

And there you have it—a hefty dose of laughter through quotes that span the spectrum of life’s experiences. From the cheeky observations on pets and parenting to the witty takes on work-life balance and the absurdities of modern life, these quoted funny phrases are a reminder not to take life too seriously. Whether you’re in need of a quick chuckle or a deep belly laugh, there’s something in this collection for every humor enthusiast. Remember, laughter is not just the best medicine; it’s also a universal language that connects us all. So, go ahead, share these gems with friends, or keep them handy for those days when you need an extra smile. After all, in the wise words of someone very clever, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”