If you’re in need of a good laugh, look no further than Joe Dirt quotes! This hilarious movie is full of one-liners that will have you laughing out loud.
Joe Dirt is the story of an underdog who never gives up. Despite being born with a mullet and raised in a trailer park, Joe Dirt (played by David Spade) always tries to make the best of every situation. And that positive attitude is what makes him so lovable!
In this article, we’ve collected 130 of the best Joe Dirt quotes for you to enjoy. So sit back, relax, and prepare to have your funny bone tickled!
Joe Dirt Quotes
- “Turn it up.” – Joe Dirt
- “No, I’m cool.” – Joe Dirt
- “Won’t kill you.” – Joe Dirt
- “Did I get ya, Dirt?” – Robby
- “Keep on, keepin’ on” – Joe Dirt
- “I got the poo on me!” – Joe Dirt
- “Keep on, keepin’ on.” – Joe Dirt
- “Why is that good?” – Kicking Wing
- “Oh, it’s so flat!” – Railroad Boy
- “That shit’ll buff out.” – Joe Dirt
- “Life’s a garden, dig it.” – Joe Dirt
- “Can I push him off of me?” – Joe Dirt
- “Well, it ain’t a meteor.” – Meteor Bert
- “When bad pets go bad, dang.” – Joe Dirt
- “That’s it! You and me, let’s go!” – Zeke
- “Comin’ to work, Joe Deertay.” – Joe Dirt
- “Uh, no, that’s a space peanut.” – Joe Dirt
- “Home is where you make it.” – Old Cajun Man
- “The label looks very stern.” – Kicking Wing
- “Luckily, my neck broke my fall.” – Joe Dirt
- “Like them spinnin tires, do ya?” – Joe Dirt
- “I got a fart. You want that?” – Bullying Man
- “Things get the darkest before dawn.” – Joe Dirt
- “All aberration radio, all the time.” – Joe Dirt
- “It puts the lotion on its skin. Now!” – Buffalo Bob
- “Well well, looky here. Corn off the cob.” – Joe Dirt
- “Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.” – Old Cajun Man
- “Sure would. Do you want to go back to my place?” – Jill
- “Well, say it, don’t spray it, brother. Dang!” – Joe Dirt
- “He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done.” – Miss Clipper
- “Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.” – Joe Dirt
- “Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt
- “Watch the guns, baby, that’s how I get the gals.” – Joe Dirt
- “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt
- “This mofo knows not to mess with Sir Joseph Dirt.” – Joe Dirt
- “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” – Joe Dirt
- “Wow, a Hemi. Balls to the wall. That’s a big ten-four.” – Jill
- “Your nuts are frozen to the porch. Oh, that sucks.” – Joe Dirt
- “Wee, Auto Trader. Oh August, I don’t got this one.” – Joe Dirt
- “Joe Dirt, you’re fired. Here’s your week’s pay.” – Oil Rig Boss
- “What’s the story here, I’m a white trash idiot?” – Zander Kelly
- “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown.” – Joe’s Mom
- “Is that right? You think that’s queer? Is this queer?” – Joe Dirt
- “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,” – Joe’s Mom
- “If you’re driving a Mopar, you probably look like him.” – Joe Dirt
- “Right on. Things are gonna happen for me! I’m Joe Dirt!” – Joe Dirt
- “Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” – Joe Dirt
- “Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.” – Kicking Wing
- “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” – Joe Dirt
- “They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin for chickies.” – Joe Dirt
- “No, afraid not. That just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.” – Meteor Bert
- “Are you nuts, dude? You need stuff that’ll explode. Go ‘boom!’” – Joe Dirt
- “No, because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” – Kicking Wing
- “They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin’ for chickies.” – Joe Dirt
- “No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” – Kicking Wing
- “They clean the bowl so you don’t have to! Hehehe, no, I didn’t.” – Joe Dirt
- “Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton’s ass, I’d take a bite.” – Joe Dirt
- “No, afraid not. That’s just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.” – Meteor Bert
- “You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart. ‘No’ is not an option, brother.” – Joe Dirt
- “Why don’t you go practice fallin’ down? I’ll be there in a minute.” – Joe Dirt
- “You can’t have “no” in your heart. “No” is not an option, brother.” – Joe Dirt
- “Probably, because I’m sure that Yahweh would be chiming in too.” – Zander Kelly
- “It puts the lotion on it’s skin, or else it gets the hose again.” – Buffalo Bob
- “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” – Joe Dirt
- “Now, this ain’t no flapjack, so I’m gonna be real careful, I won’t look.” – Joe Dirt
- “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” – Joe Dirt
- “Well, that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.” – Joe Dirt
- “You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air.” – Joe Dirt
- “You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” – Joe Dirt
- “What’s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?” – Zander Kelly
- “Does this look like a piece of crap to you? Like them spinnin’ tires, do you?” – Joe Dirt
- “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back, making fun of poor Joe Dirt?” – Joe Dirt
- “Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?” – Joe Dirt
- “Well today I’m gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that’s right I said Hemi.” – Joe Dirt
- “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice. Oh no, killer mustard gas!” – Joe Dirt
- “I would never do that, because one day I’m going to open an animal hospital.” – Kicking Wing
- “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” – Joe Dirt
- “Oh, when bad pets go bad, dang. It’s like the cartoons, I’m seein’ all ‘tweet tweet.’” – Joe Dirt
- “Well, today, I’m gonna be pickin’ up my Hemi Roadrunner. That’s right, I said, ‘Hemi.’” – Joe Dirt
- “Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” – Joe Dirt
- “You know I’d love to beat your ass all up and down this place but I gotta go back to work.” – Joe Dirt
- “Buffalo Bob’s kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt’s a weird name and how cool am I?” – Joe Dirt
- “All right! We didn’t lose him, we just left him. So what? The dude’s doing fine! Look at him!” – Joe’s Dad
- “God Almighty, from inbred heaven? Hey, freak boy, 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.” – Zander Kelly
- “So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?” – Joe Dirt
- “And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying, ‘What’s up, baby?’” – Joe Dirt
- “You probably liked J.R., you queer. I saw your bumper sticker, ‘Cowboys’ butts drive me nuts.’” – Bullying Man
- “I don’t care about that! And I don’t care about this! And I don’t want to see you for another 25 years!” – Joe Dirt
- “Yeah, man, that little boy, that’s me. My parents were—this was my home. I thought this was it this time.” – Joe Dirt
- “You like to see homos naked, that’s cool man, whatever. Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.” – Joe Dirt
- “She’s your sister, dude, she’s gotta be. And you made out with her, man! What’s wrong with you, you pervert!” – Joe Dirt
- “I checked my list of Rambler Wagons, and there it was: Nunamaker. Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I was finally home.” – Joe Dirt
- “Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How ’bout that friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt
- “Hey, you’re grounded! Where are you all going? Hey, come on! You don’t have to follow him just because he’s going!” – Joe’s Dad
- “You really think you can match that slant 6 of yours against this 426 hemi? Huh? Well then let’s do it, little boy!” – Charlene
- “Don’t try and church it up son. Don’t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must’ve really hated you,” – Security Guard
- “I’m not messin’ around! I hit it, and it goes bang. Alright? Now, while I’m up here waiting you, show me them boobies!” – Joe Dirt
- “I don’t mean to interrupt your clown pitch there, but–but how exactly do you not go right back to the place where you saw me?” – Joe Dirt
- “Don’t you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe.” – Zander Kelly
- “Well I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.” – Joe Dirt
- “To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.” – Joe Dirt
- “You really think you can match that slant 6 of yours against this 426 hemi? Huh? Well then let’s do it little boy!” – Charlene the Gator Farmer
- “Look at him fellas! You cryin’, boy? You cryin’, boy? Maybe go back down to Mcdonalds, get you some whaa burgers and some french cries!” – Robby
- “Oh yeah, see them airplanes, they dump their toilets 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call ’em Boeing bombs.” – Meteor Bert
- “Hey! How exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does the sun set? How exactly does a posi-trac rear-end on a Plymouth work? It just does.” – Joe’s Dad
- “Now, you’re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own, all white trashy like that?” – Zander Kelly
- “My God! Oh, my clowns! Look at my clowns! I wish he never found us! Look what he did to my children! Oh, no! Hey! Hey, TV people! Hey, TV people!” – Joe’s Mom
- “There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog’s butt, blows him to pieces…he comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It’s good biz.” – Joe Dirt
- “Here we go, I’m a bit of a crocophile, so don’t try this at home. This here’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy. Now, let’s see if Rocky got some cavities.” – Joe Dirt
- “But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.” – Joe Dirt
- “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back; making fun of poor Joe Dirt? Zander Kelly Probably, because I’m sure that Yahweh would be chiming in too.” – Joe Dirt
- “Hell no man, I don’t listen to that crap! I’m a rocker dude through and through. Here’s my favorite bands—AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep.” – Joe Dirt
- “Nunamaker! Nunamaker! That’s what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon! My last name’s Dirt, her last name’s Nunamaker! That’s my parents’ last name!” – Joe Dirt
- “[strapped to atom bomb] I’m not messin’ around! I hit it, and it goes bang. Alright? Now while I’m up here waiting you [points to attractive girl] show me them boobies!” – Joe Dirt
- “Hey, to tell you the truth, brother, between you and me, that thing with the dog is comin’ off a little fruity. I mean, that’s just me talkin’. Hey, where’s my supplies?” – Joe Dirt
- “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” – Kicking Wing
- “You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuhreak! You’re goin’ to hell, man! I gotta tell her what happened, why I got weird. And for god sakes, I gotta treat her like a sister.” – Joe Dirt
- “You’re talking to me all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!” – Clem
- “Hey! You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom! Get her to sew that!” – Clem
- “Well, huh, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you drop ’em in toilets, shove ’em up bullfrogs asses.” – Joe Dirt
- “I’m not talking about a posi-trac, I’m talking about me. How long did you look for me before you gave up? How long were you riding in that car before you realized I wasn’t in it? Exactly how long?” – Joe Dirt
- “People like that security guard—they don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and whatnot. All I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way.” – Joe Dirt
- “You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mike right here. Check one-two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’, and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt
- “There are three rules when dealin’ with a deadly alligator, and yes, they are deadly, don’t kid yourself. Rule number one, I’m number one. Ya hear that? I like to kid around. Rule two, the croc’s number two. Now before I begin—.” – Joe Dirt
- “Yep, left it at a friend’s house. Actually, it got towed away two years ago. But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car, I mean. So what do you say?” – Joe Dirt
- “You see that moon? You don’t know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon, wondering if at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon. And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?” – Joe Dirt
- “The guy doing the police sketches thought I was messing with him because my dad came out looking like Father Time and my mom came out looking too butch and looking way too much like Richard Ramirez. You know the Night Stalker, remember him?” – Joe Dirt
- “So you’re gonna tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no Roman Candles, or screaming mimis? Oh come on, man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?” – Joe Dirt
- “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.” – Joe Dirt
- “Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old—I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to, no one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day, you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life.” – Joe Dirt
- “People like that security guard. They don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. All’s I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.” – Joe Dirt
- “You’re gonna stand there, ownin’ a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistlin’ bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don’ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin’ kitty chaser?” – Joe Dirt
- “Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up, and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…” – Joe Dirt
- “Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make everyday count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. Cherish every moment you have with loved ones and never regret anything in life, because everything happens for a reason. Look at every day and smile that God has kept you alive, cause there’s nothing sweeter than life.” – Joe Dirt
Final Thoughts
No matter what life throws your way, always remember that things will eventually get better. Joe Dirt’s story is a perfect example of this. No matter how bad things might seem, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. So never give up on yourself and always keep pushing forward. Joe Dirt quotes can teach you a lot about life, so make sure to take them to heart.
Which Joe Dirt quote is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below!
