The movie ‘Step Brothers’ is a comedy classic. It is full of hilarious quotes that will make you laugh every time. In this article, we have collected 61 of the best Step Brothers quotes for you to enjoy.
This classical comedy was released in 2008 and follows John C. Reilly (as Dale Doback) and Will Ferrell (as Brennan Huff) as two adult step-brothers who are forced to live together when their parents get married. The story continues to follow the two as they form a bond and create chaos.
Whether you are a fan of the movie or not, these quotes are sure to make you chuckle. So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the funniest lines from one of the most hilarious comedies ever made!
Step Brothers Quotes
- Brennan: “I teabagged your drum set!”
- “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” – Robert Doback
- “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” – Dale Doback
- “Did we just become best friends?” – Brennan Huff
- “Get your shit, we’re going to my room.” – Dale Doback
- “Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” – Dale Doback
- “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” – Nancy
- “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” – Dale Doback
- “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” – Brennan Huff
- Dale: “Why are you so sweaty?” Brennan: “I was watching Cops.”
- “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.” – Brennan Huff
- Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” Dale: “Yup.”
- “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.” – Dale Doback
- “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” – Derek
- “Your drumset is a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!” – Brennan Huff
- “Why are you so sweaty?” – Dale “I was watching cops.” – Brennan Huff
- “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.” – Brennan Huff
- “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback
- “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your ass.” – Brennan Huff
- “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” – Brennan Huff
- “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” – Alice
- “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan Huff
- “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” – Brennan Huff
- “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” – Dale Doback
- “I’m fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” – Dale Doback
- “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” – Dale Doback
- “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!” – Brennan Huff
- “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!” – Brennan Huff
- Dale: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” Brennan: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
- “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” – Brennan Huff
- “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” – Dale Doback
- “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!” – Brennan Huff
- “I am warning you: If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” – Dale Doback
- “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” – Dale Doback
- “Yeah, I got ’em from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.” – Dale Doback
- “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” – Brennan Huff
- “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” – Dale Doback
- “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” – Brennan Huff
- “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” – Dale Doback
- Brennan: “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?” Derek: “What?” Brennan: “If you lick my butthole.”
- Brennan: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, OK?” Dale: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”
- Dale: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?” Brennan: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”
- “OK, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it; just do it. One, two, three.” – Dale Doback
- “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” – Dale Doback
- “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” – Derek
- Dale: “Did you rub your balls on my drums?” Brennan: “No, I was watching Cops.” Dale: “I know for a fact that Cops doesn’t come on till four.”
- “Brennan, Denise called, and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” – Nancy
- “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale
- Nancy: “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” Brennan: “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that shit up every day.”
- “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan Huff
- “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback
- Brennan: “Well, Pan…” Pam: “No, it’s Pam.” Brennan: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?” Pam: “My name is Pam.” Brennan: “Pand, there’s a D on the end.” Pam: “No, there’s no D.”
- Dale: “Brennan, you’re alive! Oh, my God!” Brennan: “I know. I’m alive.” Dale: “You were dead. I saw you die.” Brennan: “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.”
- Dr. Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?” Nancy: “Yes… it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.” Dr. Doback: “Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.” Nancy: (checks oven) “Couch pillows.”
- Nancy: “Guys. Guys. Guys!” (both guys wake up and quote the last line from their dreams) Brennan: “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.” Dale: “The clown has no penis.” Nancy: “What kind of dreams are you guys having?”
- “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” – Dale Doback
- “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.” – Dale Doback
- “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!” – Dale Doback
- Manager: (after Dale lets out a prolonged fart) “Was that a fart?” Dale: “I don’t know.” Manager: “I can taste it. On my tongue.” Dale: “OK, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.” Manager: “Is that onion? Onion… and onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.”
- “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan
- “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,’ and she grabs me by the wiener.” – Dale
Wrapping Up
Step Brothers will always hold a special place in the hearts of fans who grew up with that movie. It’s a classic for a reason – it has all the ingredients for an amazing time and even if you aren’t too excited about it from the onset, these quotes are sure to pull at your heartstrings. Who could ever get bored of John C Reilly and Will Ferrell’s antics? We all know they’ll be entertaining no matter what. Now that we’ve shared 50 of our favorite Step Brothers quotes, it’s up to you to see how many you can remember or which ones make you chuckle the most. Whether you’ve seen the movie multiple times or will be giving it a go for the first time, we guarantee it won’t disappoint. The laughter won’t stop and before you know it, you’re going to be quoting Step Brothers like there’s no tomorrow!
