215+ Ted Lasso Quotes: The Best of the Best

Looking for some inspiration? Check out these 215+ Ted Lasso quotes! This collection includes the best of the best, from funny to motivational. Whether you’re looking for a little guidance or just a good laugh, these quotes will help you get through anything life throws your way!

I Want This!

Best Ted Lasso Quotes

1. “Believe.”
2. “I believe in hope.”
3. “You spoke to God?”
4. “I thought you quit smoking.”
5. “It hurt my feeling.” – Roy Kent
6. “Football is life!” – Dani Rojas
7. “You had me at coach.” – Roy Kent
8. “Yeah, I’d love to see Abbey Road.”
9. “Early drinkin’ means quick drunken.”
10. “Call me old one more time.” – Roy Kent
11. “How many countries are in this country?”
12. “Tea and I are still on a lifelong hiatus.”
13. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.”
14. “Yeah, I’d love to see Abbey Road.” -Ted Lasso
15. “Don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you.”
16. “I like to give away joy for free.” – Dani Rojas
17. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.”
18. “Ties and no playoffs? Why do you even do this?”
19. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.”
20. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.”
21. “Great party game, horrible relationship status.”
22. “Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.”
23. “Great party game, horrible relationship status.”
24. “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.”
25. “He thinks he’s mad now, wait till we win him over.”
26. “How many countries are in this country?” -Ted Lasso
27. “Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.”
28. “Enjoy your trophies for winning nothing.” – Roy Kent
29. “Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”
30. “You tore your butt. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
31. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.”
32. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high.”
33. “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.’”
34. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson — on a high!”
35. “I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.”

I Want This!

Ted Lasso Quotes

1. “Every disadvantage has its advantage.” – Rebecca Welton
2. “I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his earth. Flat.”
3. “A palace made out of crystal seems mighty fragile to me.”
4. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.”
5. I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.” -Ted Lasso
6. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.”
7. “I like my water like Kyrie Irving likes his Earth. Flat.”
8. “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself.”
9. “I’m sort of famous for being almost famous.” – Keeley Jones
10. “It’s kind of like back in the 80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ”
11. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!”
12. “I suppose the best brand is being yourself.” – Leslie Higgins
13. “What better thing to spend money on than love?” – Jamie Tartt
14. “It’s kind of like back in the ’80s when ‘bad’ meant ‘good.’ ”
15. “Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter.”
16. “Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.” – Jamie Tartt
17. “Even Woody and Buzz got under each other’s plastic.” -Ted Lasso
18. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.”
19. “I am a strong and capable man. That’s my mantra.” – Colin Hughes
20. “Our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high.” -Ted Lasso
21. “I’m looking forward to the definition of relegation.” -Ted Lasso
22. “I don’t know about you, but I had an absolute peach of a Sunday.”
23. “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.”
24. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit: that’s panic and snooze.”
25. “My relationship is the oxygen that gives me life.” – Leslie Higgins
26. “Looks like a renaissance painting portraying masculine melancholy.”
27. “Coach, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else?” – Jamie Tartt
28. And finally, “You say impossible, but all I hear is ‘I’m possible.'”
29. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.”
30. “It’s sometimes good to bottle things up. That’s how we get pickles!”
31. “That Rebecca is an intimidating and very tall woman.” – Keeley Jones
32. “You could fill two internets with what I don’t know about football.”
33. “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.”
34. “I come bearing sweet treats to numb the sting of defeat.” -Ted Lasso
35. “You got Ronaldo and the fellow who bends it like himself.” -Ted Lasso
36. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.”
37. “What do you have to be sad about? Did one of the Paw Patrol dogs die?”
38. “I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.”
39. “I lost my way for a minute, but I’m on the road back.” – Rebecca Welton
40. “Come on Rob! You gotta get it in there to get three points!” -Ted Lasso
41. “What do you say we do what the man says and make today our masterpiece?”
42. “Living in the moment, it’s a gift. That’s why they call it the present.”
43. “If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” -Ted Lasso
44. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.”
45. “Does my face look like it’s in the mood for shape-based jokes?” – Roy Kent
46. “If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.” – Trent Crim
47. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.”
48. “As the man once said, the harder you work, the luckier you get.” -Ted Lasso
49. “I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.”
50. “She’s got some fences, alright, but you just gotta hop over ’em.” -Ted Lasso
51. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.”
52. “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.” -Ted Lasso
53. “Seems like a smurf with an attitude would be a lot of fun to watch.” -Ted Lasso
54. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.”
55. “The second thing that you don’t want your opponent to know is that you’re tired.”
56. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.”
57. “I don’t drink coffee. My mother always says I was born caffeinated.” – Dani Rojas
58. “Ice cream’s the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints.”
59. “Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?”
60. “Well, normally right back to the counter because there’s been a terrible mistake.”
61. “You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.”
62. “I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know?”
63. “Here’s an idea that’s gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot. Who needs a drink?”
64. “You are more mysterious than David Blaine reading a Sue Grafton novel at Area 51.”
65. “As good as you are at your job, I’m twice as good at mine.” – Dr. Sharon Fieldstone
66. “There’s two buttons I never like to hit, alright? And that’s ‘panic’ and ‘snooze.’”
67. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.” – Keeley Jones
68. “If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?”
69. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.” -Ted Lasso
70. “If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?”
71. “The email said ‘Secret Santa.’ I didn’t wanna ruin the surprise, did I?” – Jamie Tartt
72. “I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” -Ted Lasso
73. “I have a really tricky time hearing folks that don’t believe in themselves.” -Ted Lasso
74. “You should do a Ted talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.’”
75. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession.”
76. “You should do a TED Talk, ’cause right now you’re getting a whole heap of ‘Ted listen.'”
77. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ ’cause it’s all about controlling possession.”
78. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.”
79. “Ice cream is the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live. Never disappoints.”
80. “If that’s a joke, I love it. If not, can’t wait to unpack that with you later.” -Ted Lasso
81. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.”
82. “Ice cream’s the best. It’s kinda like seeing Billy Joel live. Never disappoints.” -Ted Lasso
83. “That’s the funny thing about coincidences, ain’t it? Sometimes they just happen.” -Ted Lasso
84. “If God wanted games to end in a tie, She wouldn’t have invented numbers, all right?” -Ted Lasso
85. “It’s more than a game to me. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s who I am. It’s all I am.” – Roy Kent
86. “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.”
87. “Rule number one: even though it’s called girl talk sometimes it needs to be more like girl listen.
88. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.”
89. “Oh what a lovely inscription… that you wrote completely over my head, face and body.” – Coach Beard
90. “We’re gonna call this drill ‘The Exorcist’ cause it’s all about controlling possession.” -Ted Lasso
91. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.”
92. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?”
93. “Little girls are mysterious. And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago.”

Funny Ted Lasso Quotes

1. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.” -Ted Lasso
2. “I’d like to be reincarnated as a tiger… and then ravage anyone who looked at me wrong.”- Nathan Shelley
3. “If the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes it’s easier to speak our minds anonymously.”
4. “Well, as my doctor told me when I got addicted to fettuccine Alfredo, that’s a little rich for my blood.”
5. “Fellas, I could watch you do this jaunty North Korean military thing you do all day, but I need a favor.”
6. “I’ve been to Vegas many times. One night is good, two nights is perfect, three is too many.” – Coach Beard
7. “I think I literally have a better understanding of who killed Kennedy than what is offside… it was the mob.”
8. “If we see each other in our dreams, let’s goof around a little bit, pretend like we don’t know each other.”
9. “Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts.” -Ted Lasso
10. “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.”
11. “On whether or not Ted believes in ghosts: I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.”
12. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.”
13. “What I can tell you is that with the exception of the wit and wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, not much lasts forever.”
14. “I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up.”
15. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.”
16. “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it. All right?” -Ted Lasso
17. “You gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That’s a combo. Does it come with a medium drink?”
18. “This is my cat’s collar. She was a faithful companion for 20 years. Gonna miss you, Cindy Clawford.” – Leslie Higgins
19. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.”
20. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.”
21. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.”

Inspirational Ted Lasso Quotes

1. “Fight or flight is a natural response. You just happened to do both. Impressive range, really.” – Sharon Fieldstone
2. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.” -Ted Lasso
3. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.”
4. “Will you explain to me how that was offside? No! I’m asking you. Seriously! Explain offside to me. It makes no sense.”
5. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.”
6. “If I didn’t have any confidence, I never would’ve worn pajamas to my prom and ended up in jail the rest of that night.”
7. “I haven’t seen someone that disappointed to see me since I wore a red baseball cap to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.”
8. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.”
9. “If you care about someone, and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.”
10. “I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there you’re just one in 11.”
11. “I feel like we fell out of the lucky tree and hit every branch on the way down, ended up in a pool of cash and sour patch kids.”
12. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.”
13. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if… you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.”
14. “Because he’s the one, coach. If we’re gonna make an impact here, the first domino needs to fall right inside of that man’s heart.”
15. “Divorce is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving or if…you’re the one who got left. It makes folks do crazy things.”
16. “You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. Y’know why? It’s got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish.” -Ted Lasso
17. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”
18. “I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.”
19. “Oh, no, no, no, no. I have five boys. I never look over anyone’s shoulders to see what’s on their screens. I used to.” – Leslie Higgins
20. “All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.”
21. “I promise you there is something worse out there than being sad, and that’s being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”
22. “I always figured that tea was just gonna taste like hot brown water. And you know what? I was right. Yeah, it’s horrible. No, thank you.”
23. “Oh, God. I’m very nervous. But also very excited. That’s similar to whenever Colin drives me somewhere in his Lamborghini.” – Sam Obisanya
24. “I like the idea of someone becoming rich, because of what they gave to the world. Not just because of who their family is.” – Sam Obisanya
25. “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.”
26. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.” -Ted Lasso
27. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.” -Ted Lasso
28. “It’s kinda like all the nipples in that movie Showgirls. Halfway through, you don’t even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative.”
29. “It’s kinda like all the nipples in that movie Showgirls. Halfway through, you don’t even notice. You just kinda get sucked into the narrative.”
30. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”
31. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.”
32. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.”
33. “This place is for rich twats who **** away all their money on an outfit they only wear once. But, Nate, today you are one of those twats.” – Keeley
34. “All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. If it ain’t warmed up properly, something real bad could happen.” -Ted Lasso
35. “We lost. Would have been closer, but one of the goals got disallowed because apparently nine-year-olds aren’t allowed to do headers yet.” – Roy Kent
36. “The idea behind every trick play is to have chaos rain down upon your opponents and stun them. Much like the lava did to those poor folks in Pompeii.”
37. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.”
38. “I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life coaching with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin asap.”
39. “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.”
40. “For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.” -Ted Lasso
41. “That’s a special young man right there. Got talent for days, works hard, and he’s got a jawline like the White Cliffs of Dover. I’m always rootin’ for him.”
42. “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.”
43. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. Its pigeon sweat.”
44. “I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we.” -Ted Lasso
45. “We all know speed is important. But being able to stop and change directions quickly? Well, that’s like Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak. It don’t get nearly enough credit.”
46. “Roy, are you sure they still take paper tickets at airports? Like, is the plane gonna have propellers? Oh my God, am I gonna be able to smoke on the flight?” – Keeley
47. “This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I’d hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn’t be able take my eyes off of it, either.”
48. “You know how they say that ‘youth is wasted on the young’? Well, I say don’t let the wisdom of age be wasted on you. I just came up with that. I feel pretty good about it.”
49. “Little tip for y’all. Fries are called chips. Chips are called crisps. And bangers aren’t great songs, but they do make you feel like dancing because they’re so darn tasty.”
50. “Like I always say, sometimes the best stew is the one you leave sitting on the stove overnight ’cause you fell asleep watching Citizen Kane after too many beers.” -Ted Lasso
51. “I should go. I promised the boys we’d watch Empire Strikes Back tonight, and I have to get my thoughts together for when they ask about Luke and Leia making out.” – Leslie Higgins
52. “Coach Beard’s views on romantic relationships are not too dissimilar from his views on cooking steak. You know, you spend any more than five minutes on one — it loses its flavor.”
53. “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same thing that make you cry knowing that they’re now gone.”
54. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?”
55. “You’re nearly 70, and you’re having a baby? I mean, what are you, a character from the Bible? When your kid hits puberty, you’ll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card.” – Rebecca Welton
56. “Sounds to me like someone’s trapped inside life’s most complicated shape: a love triangle. Second place of course is the ‘I just walked in on my mother-in-law changing into her swimsuit’ dodecahedron.”
57. “I always feel so bad for the cows, but you gotta do it; otherwise, they get lost. That was a branding joke. If we were in Kansas right now, I’d just be sitting here waiting for you to finish laughing.”
58. “I can diagnose myself in a heartbeat. I thought being invulnerable would protect me, so I pushed people away for years, leading me directly to my greatest fear… being alone. Big whoop.” – Rebecca Welton
59. “Hey, you two are like Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner, you know? Or, uh, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow. Or Frank and… Actually, you know what? I’m starting to realize that Ol’ Blue Eyes might’ve skewed mercurial.”
60. “In my mind, you gotta have three things to be a Premier League team. One, you gotta play physical, two, you gotta give 100 percent until the final whistle, and three, you gotta be sponsored by a Middle-Eastern airline.”
61. “Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out someway to turn that ‘me’ into ‘us’…the sky’s the limit for you.”
62. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.”
63. “I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody in this room alone. Let’s be sad now. Let’s be sad together. And then we can be a gosh-darn goldfish. Onward. Forward.”
64. “Jamie, I think that you might be so sure that you’re one in a million, that sometimes you forget that out there, you’re just 1 of 11. And if you just figure out some way to turn that ‘me’ into ‘us’…the sky’s the limit for you.” -Ted Lasso
65. “We’re gonna try it on and see if it fits. It might not. Then again, it might be a very flattering silhouette. I might wear it right out of the store. Makes me feel good, start to strut. Oooh, I like this. I like the way this makes me feel.”
66. “You’re telling me I could shatter every bone in my body, someone could just drop me off in front of any old hospital, dumped into a garbage can or something, and y’all patch me up, and I don’t have to pay jack squat? I tell you; I love this country.”

Wrapping Up

We hope you enjoyed reading these Ted Lasso quotes as much as we enjoyed putting them together. Few people in this world can make us laugh and cry in the span of a few sentences, but Ted Lasso is definitely one of them. If you’re ever feeling down, or just need a good laugh, be sure to give Ted a watch. You won’t regret it. Thanks for reading!